I slept throughout my whole surgery because I was so so scared.
It was the best thing for me because I knew having a traumatized surgery would lead to me not wanting children again.
The surgery happened so fast, too fast in fact ... but who doesn't remember her first birth moment? I remembered it vividly, every single feeling, every single pain, anxiety, fear and most of all, the feeling of gratitude. So thankful for such a beautiful birth.
My dearest Riaz & Ariz, I don't think you'd be really proud of Mommy if you knew how chicken I was in the OR! I was happy to get the epidural and doze off while leaving everything to your father, the doctors and fate. Honestly, I was so so scared that something would be wrong with the babies, they were being born premature, and I knew there would be some major complications with small babies.
I remember when the nurses and midwives wheeled me from my ward, I was happy that it's finally happening, and they slumped me on a cold table in the OR and I felt the coldness of the stainless steel table and the numbness in my heart. I let off guard and asked no questions, surrendering to the special care of the doctors.
While giving me the epidural, the anaesthetist did not warn me that husband's were not allowed in until after the epidural, so I held on to the pillow given to me and read every Surah I knew in the Quran. All of the stories my friends were telling me about how harmless it is were all playing in my head and I said to myself that those stories are so not true, because there I was - cold, scared and in great fear.
I must have gotten the best anaesthetist in the hospital for he needled it in without any feeling. Who said it'd be painful? He did a fantastic job. Dr Hilmi, you shall be highly recommended. My left hand was a little sore beause a big needle was jab into it for liquid supply, but that was the only pain I felt and remembered to this very day. Then, the team of OR staff lay me down on the OR table and I scanned the room. It felt very cold, everyone in scrubs looking serious and so many silver utensils, and a huge whiteboard with my name on it and details of the twins.
Soon after laying down, I fell asleep and the rest is history.
Halfway through prep, my gynae Dr Maziah shook me and muffled that she was going ahead with the procedure. I hardly recognized her with the scrubs attire and the mask. She has always looked so dainty and womanly dressed whenever I see her. But I recognized her eyes, behind the mask, and I felt an air of comfort before going back to sleep.
Hubby was beside me all the time, but I only recognized that when he said that the babies are coming out.. And if he wasn't even there I would not have bothered, because I was too caught up in my sleep. But I remembered asking him if the babies were crying, because to me, again, the babies were premature and thus anything could happen... so it was very important to hear the babies cry. Yes, the babies were crying right after they came out. The interval between the first baby and the second baby was too quick. Hubs was saying the first baby is out, and moments later he said the doctor is receiving the second baby arleady. Alhamdulillah.
With that comfort, I went back to sleep.
Dr Maziah pat me on the shoulder when the procedure's done, and she said I did a good job. She was happy and I was glad. They wheeled me to a waiting area and the nurses cleaned me up gently. It felt so good to be well taken care of, I'd recommend this hospital to anyone.
I vomitted a little into a cup at the waiting area, but it didn't feel like those yucky vomiting sessions during pregnancy, it felt refreshing and I almost felt like a real grown up.
Then I was wheeled out of the OR when my parents came to my side and I remembered them touching my head with all smiles. After arriving at my ward, I fell into the best sleep of my life, exhausted, drowsy and contented.
Until today, I could still feel the coldness of the surgical ward and the comfort of my hospital bed. I'd do it all over again.
